Men Who Buy Sex, their Attitude Toward Rape, and the Satisfaction Sex Will Never Bring

Link to 'the f word' blog, contemporary UK feminism: "Interviewing Men Who Buy Sex"
Link to ‘the f word’ blog, contemporary UK feminism: “Interviewing Men Who Buy Sex”

I’ve had shared many previous posts which dealt with rape myths. More often than not, we look at the influence these myths have upon the victims of assault: their families, their court cases, their aftercare. False information regarding sexual assault influences juries and judges. Often, these myths result in victim blaming; not only does the victim face the trauma of the assault and its after effects but they must also deal with the reality that many people either won’t believe them or will think it was somehow their fault. Myths about sexual assault have resulted in rapists walking without jail time and victims being targeted as criminals.

Consider this post a sort of 180 shift. Looking beyond the influence which myths of rape culture have upon victims of abuse, consider: how do myths about sexual assault influence the lives of the perpetrators? Specifically, how does a misrepresentation of rape affect the men who pay for sex (and then, ultimately, the women who will suffer).

Many rapists are well aware of the fact that they have assaulted another person. But what about the ones who genuinely believe that “when she says ‘no’, she means ‘yes'” or “women secretly want to be raped…they like it” or “I just lost control when she started to flirt” or “she was wearing a short skirt…she was asking for it, she deserved it“? What about the people who pay for sex and, because of that transaction, believe any actions they inflict upon a prostituted woman or girl are totally acceptable. They believe the myth that “prostitutes can’t be raped”.

It’s a vicious cycle. Misinformation is passed along and the result is a society readily willing to ignore rape for what it truly is: an act of violence, a crime, a violation of another person’s body and soul. As culture progresses and people congratulate themselves on how civilized, respectable, and advanced we all are, we still won’t call rape rape.

Believing a rape myth does not make it true, nor does it remove guilt from the individual who believes “this isn’t rape” and commits rape. The young victim in a brothel still maintains her innate worth as a human being. An act of violence ought to be judged based upon the actions of the offender, not the circumstances of the offended.

The post linked above is a disheartening read but I think it’s an incredibly important read. Sixteen per cent of the 100 men interviewed admitted freely that they would rape a woman if they could be assured that they would not be caught. One interviewee stated,

“I am paying for it and it is her job to give me pleasure. If she enjoys it I would feel cheated.”

Attitudes like this need to see the light of day so that they can be addressed. Rape cannot be a grey area. Ill-gotten pleasure cannot be passed over as a purchased right. Consent is not earned by passing a few bills across a counter. Sex is intended for mutual enjoyment and intimacy within marriage: when it is properly carried out, it is a marvelous thing. Sex is not meant to be a weapon. It is not meant to be a soulless, animalistic act. Yet it has become a commodity, a means by which one person seeks carnal gratification at the expense of another person’s dignity, health, and safety.

Consider here: let’s suppose this man I’ve quoted above was genuinely satisfied with his sexual encounter with the prostituted woman. Does that mean he will be able to live the rest of his life never desiring to repeat the act? Does it mean that his satisfaction was so great, so complete, that he will never feel the need to use another human being for his own selfish gain? No. Any pleasure he experienced, any satisfaction that act of violence brought, is momentary. It’s fleeting. It cannot last and it cannot bring him fulfillment for more than a few minutes. Why? Because that man’s ultimate purpose is not found in any sex act.

Everyone lives for something (sex, power, money, family, career, adventure); we look to other people or things or goals for fulfillment, for our self-worth. But if that something isn’t the one true God, it will be a false god. False gods don’t love you. False gods can’t love you. God, through His Son Jesus Christ, offers a greater love, a deeper pleasure, and a more complete satisfaction for your soul than anything or anyone this Earth can offer.

Link to The Resurgence: "That Idol You Love Doesn't Love You Back"
Link to The Resurgence: “That Idol You Love Doesn’t Love You Back”
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